Badzin spoke with Life Kit about how to cultivate a mentality that can help him nurture old friendships, and the art of keeping in touch.
How would you define an old friend?
I think many of us [define old friends as the ones we made in] Childhood, or someone with whom we were friends at the university with whom we are still friends now.
Having been together in the trenches also makes us feel old friends. It could be a job in which together they had a difficult boss, and they are still friends 10 years later.
Why do some friendships survive for decades and others fader?
What is brought on the path of old friends is a perceived lack of equality and effort. It is difficult not to wait for other people to make friends exactly like us or as it was always done.
Is there courage to tell a friend, “I would really like to be loved or careful in this way”?
Yes, absolutely. For example, you could say: “I love the time we spend together and I don’t care to make many plans, because it is important to see my friends. But I would like to know if you really want these invitations.”
That said, I don’t think you should mention the aggravation of all friends. He goes back to assume the best and know that people make friends differently.
Let’s talk more about assuming the best intentions.
There is an appointment that I love for a former guest of mine, Ruchi Koval, a relationship coach. She said there are people who never disappoint us, and those people are called known.
An old special friend will have disappointed us at some point, and we have disappointed that person. So, any long data friendship must have forgiveness. And forgiveness requires humility to assume the best.
What does it mean that Iphone doesn’t have old friends?
If you house Mintain’s friends, it is probably a sign that something is in your mindset about friendships. You may have unreasonable expectations.
I don’t say this for people to feel terrible. I say it with optimism. This is something you can change. Now you can have friends in your life with whom you make an effort so that in 10 years you can consult that person as an old friend.
If you only see or talk to an old friend outside the city once a year or once five years, are you still friends?
Yes, but I wouldn’t miss five or 10 years [without talking to them] If you can help you.
Being an adult means making time for your friends because it is important. If everything you can handle at this time is a facet with your long distance friends, you would.
Sometimes they can feel like work.
It is very similar to exercise. Very few people regret having gone to walk. Yes, we would love to sit and watch television, but once you have come to walk, most people come and say: “Ok, I’m slippery, I did that.” A phone call with a friend looks a lot like that.
How important is the connection in person with the old friends?
If he has spoken on his leg on the phone and sending text messages with an old driving friend for a decade, he would do it because he would be on a plane at some point and see that person.
If we are talking about friends in the city, it is important to meet in person. I love to meet people in someone’s house much more than in a restaurant. It is very noisy. You can only talk to the person just by your side. And after 20 or 30 minutes, you are trapped and your son or your friend on the other side of the table and ask what he is doing.
If you are in someone’s house, you can move. It is more natural to talk to a person, then, after a little, talk to another person. People love being invited.
How can we give our friends the grace and space to change?
Most of us want to develop and change your mind about things. There is not much hope in the world if we have to maintain the same opinions and interests we had from the moment we were in our 20 or 30 years.
Give your friends space to try different life forms. No one likes [be around] Someone who says, for example, “I thought you said that you would never be one of those people that Crossfit does.”
It is one of the biggest gifts you can give to a friend. If we could give others both space as we give Uselves, it would be very useful.
It seems that it is important to fight for your friends.
All you can do is control how much effort makes and then assume the best of people who are important to you.
The digital history was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We would love to know about you. Leave us a voicemail to 202-216-9823, or send us an email to lifekit@npr.org.
