Dear Eric: I work in the public sector in a job that makes me known in my field of work and in the community where I work.
I was recently degraded. My colleagues are perplexed in the true reason why, as I am. This has a hot topic in my field, and the large amount of outrage and child has a bone overlap.
My new job and my new team know about me, but I don’t know myself.
My plan was to explain everything to the leadership team that I will be part, but for the direct and indirect reports that I will have, I am not sure to do so.
When I present myself and explain my work history, it will be clear for anyone who is happening. How does this sail? I already feel the looks and whispers, and I still don’t have the new role.
What is the right level of truth to say so that it can be an effective leader?
– Follow the leader
Dear leader: One of the keys to effective leadership is to establish an expectation, model it and not deviate from it. So, if your expectation is that your team performs your work functions regardless of gossip, then that is the standard you must establish.
You can practice transparency without overloading talking about the parts of your work history that are directly related to the work you are doing now. And if people have more specific questions, address them to speak one by one.
This is not hiding the truth. In his letter, he writes that he is as perplexed as any other person why he was degraded. Then, continuing to participate in speculation with others will not take you or them anywhere.
Work environments can be a breeding ground for whispers. As a leader, his work is to speak clearly, metaphorically and real. Be sure to have a co -worker or trusted friend with whom you can process the stress you are feeling. But in your leadership role, you share what will help others to do your job better; The rest does not matter.
Dear Eric: I am 57 years old and I am the room of five brothers.
My years of adolescents were marked by loneliness, fear, the bullying of others due to my weight and anxiety. I didn’t have a way out to express myself, so too much or took my anger to my younger sister.
When I grew up, I often reforms how bad my sister treated in my adolescence. My sister faced her problems, which are also numerous, getting involved in the drug world when she was a teenager.
At 55, he is still an incredible sick and active addict despite many rehabilitation attempts.
I contacted my sister to apologize for the way I treated her, asking for forgiveness and promising to do it better.
I constantly worry about her to the point that I became physically ill, and my husband worried that my obsession with “helping” to solve my saister’s problems would affect me mentally and physically.
After many years of therapy, I know that the obsession to help solve their problems and be involved was that I believe that I am responsible for how my sister was and now I know, intellectual, that it is a much more complex tea.
However, I live with this fear impossible to have all this comfort, and my sister is not no and it is not fair that it was so bad with her and possible to ruin her life. What would happen if the bad brother turned to drugs to self -medicate? How do I reconcile with all this?
– guilty sister
Dear sister: Your attention focuses on your sister, but I think you are really angry with yourself and the obsession is a reaction when feeling helpless, as it was in adolescence.
Hopefully your therapist has told him the following, but it is worth repeating: he did not have the power to make his sister a person who fights with substances. Guilt and shame feed on anything they may have in their hands. But, on his own, his sister also had other problems to overcome beyond the way he treated her.
Give it some grace: the thought process in which it is trapped is the product of decades of trauma, external and internal. Every time it arises, earn it for what it is: the way to torture your brain for something you cannot control.
Ask yourself what would be needed to forgive yourself for their past actions, see themselves as some who needed help and did not obtain it, and others, such as their Saister, which was kicked in an imperfect family system.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingeric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19110. Follow it on Instagram @ouric and register for your weekly bulletin in Reichomas.com.
