Dear Eric: Our family will celebrate our mother’s centenary this fall.
We were planning to have an open day to include the only living neighbors of my mother, family and residents of the community to honor a 100 -year legacy that does not happen for everyone.
My niece’s son proposed his girlfriend in February and decided to establish a wedding date the same weekend as our mother’s birthday. We are all very upset because they chose that particular weekend. We feel that when the calendar goes out to choose an appointment, my niece (his mother) should have tasks that weekend out of the table and told them he was reserved.
My niece suggests that we have the 100th birthday party on Sunday, the day after the wedding. We believe it is exaggerated during a weekend and eclipse every event that should have its own special time.
I, as well as some ethers, live outside the State. I am 10 hours away. Then, Plan B would be to have Mom’s celebration the previous weekend, which means traveling 40 hours if I want to be the two weekends for my mother’s real birthday.
I called my niece to see if there could be another weekend for them and said he didn’t want to interfere.
We feel that mom and our plans (which she knew) has not answered the bone. How can we navigate all this situation? I feel that it will be a tense and unhappy event for everyone.
– Not respected
Dear not respected: Your mileage can vary (literally) but make a 10 -hour trip for the party and then, for example, a few weeks later, make the same 10 -hour trip for the wedding, if it had rescheduled, it sounds much more inconvenient than the plan to have an event on Saturday and the other on Sunday while everyone is in the city.
As he begins to travel through the branches of a family tree, the calendar is complicated. Frankly, it can be difficult to settle on a date compatible with people in the house itself.
To plan his wedding, the son of his niece is negotiating with the needs of his immediate family, the extended family and the family of his fiancee. Not to mention the availability of the place and, that smallest of things: what the real couple wants. Let’s give them a break.
The wedding is not going to steal the thunder of his mother’s remarkable milestone. These events have slightly overlapping guest lists and different purposes, both wonderful.
I don’t see disrespect here; I see pragmatism. When hugging the weekend as a double celebration of the past and the future of his family, he will create more significant memories than if he addresses it with performance.
Dear Eric: My husband and I are in our 70 years. He works full -time, observes many sports, he is a lot on his computer and runs by chances. Part -time work, clean house, cook, I will wash the clothes and gardening work.
I know that my husband loves me, but does not seem to take my feelings into account.
I love my kitchen, but my husband thought I needed many important changes. I said I liked it as it was. Thesis projects began months ago. The kitchen is now a disaster and is always too tired to work on it.
There are other projects, large and small, which are never made.
Or I will lose it or flee from home.
– PERPLOJO ON PROJECTS
Dear perplexed: Both are doing a lot, even the idea of a hard conversation about this kitchen disaster is surely exhausting. Only the idea of a half remodeled kitchen is enough to send me directly to bed. You have my sympathy.
It is possible that fleeing is not necessary, but see if you can solve a break for you. Are there friends or family that you can visit? Take time away from the construction site, and tell her husband why, will help her breathe more easily.
I thought her husband could have had the best intentions, the intention is not equal to the impact. And it will help both if you are a child but of course with him about how this is affecting you.
Is it possible that he gets some to help him put the kitchen well? Ask him to do it and give him a realistic schedule for when that will happen. You can see the kitchen as another element in the list of pending tasks, but this affects your life every day. Share with him and ask him if he understands.
This does not have to be a heated talk, but it should be oriented to goals.
If the objective of repairing the kitchen is not something that can do a clear plan, then you can introduce option B: an argument on how the family budget can be restructured to allow food to take every day.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingeric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19110. Follow it on Instagram @ouric and register for your weekly bulletin in Reichomas.com.
