As an example, Twenge points to driving. Some children may feel ready at age 12, others much later, but As a society we are committed to legal driving age. She believes technology should work the same way. Sixteen, he responded, is an appropriate age because by then most teenagers are entrusted with other responsibilities, such as driving and getting around on their own. The research also suggests that Older adolescents have greater self-regulation skills.which helps them handle the distractions and pressures of smartphones more safely.
Additionally, Twenge recommends waiting until age 16 or older before allowing children to use social media, which is later than the current legal minimum of 13.
“Sixteen is a good compromise,” he said. “It’s based on the idea that, by then, children have outgrown those intense high school years, when peer pressures are strongest. They are more confident in their identities and relationships, and are generally more mature and responsible.”
According to Kathy Do, an assistant project scientist at the California Institute of Law, Neuroscience and Education, teenagers are particularly sensitive to the addictive aspects of social media precisely because that is when they are most attuned to social status.
“Peer relationships become more important during adolescence compared to childhood and adulthood. Motivation and reward systems in the brain are more active during adolescence,” he said. “Adolescents show a strong brain response to social rewards (things like praise, attention, and inclusion) and to social threats like rejection or exclusion.”
The digital landscape has changed dramatically since 2017. Back then, parents could hand their child a flip phone to make calls and send texts. Nowadays, with smartphones dominating the market, a foldable phone may seem impractical or socially isolating. As a middle ground, Twenge aims for “light phones” that allow you to make calls and send text messages, but block access to social networks, web browsers and potentially harmful applications. Some even come with pre-set restrictions, such as banned dating apps or AI chatbots to give parents more peace of mind.
Technology-free zones and freedom in the real world
Schools are already seeing positive results from phone bansincluding students who take greater academic risks because they are no longer eager to have other students record permanent digital records of an embarrassing moment.
At home, Twenge encourages families to establish “phone-free zones,” meaning times and places where devices are limited or prohibited. The most important of them, he says, is the bedroom at night.
“What I say in the book is that if you’re going to follow one rule, make it that one,” Twenge said. “Just to preserve sleep, because it’s very important for physical and mental health.” Research consistently He stopped using screens late at night to disrupt sleep.which in turn affects mood, learning and overall well-being.
Other phone-free zones may include family dinners or family vacations. Children are more likely to accept when parents model the same behavior. “A little digital hypocrisy is fine, but you really have to be a good role model,” Twenge explained. “If you’re going to say no phones at the family table, then you should follow that rule as much as you can.” The holidays can be more complicated since children often want to stay connected with their friends. In those cases, Twenge suggests designing a short, predictable window for phone use, such as after dinner.
When phones are put away, parents can create space for what Twenge calls “real-world freedom.” This means encouraging children to develop independence, life skills and social connections offline. Examples include walking to school, riding a bike to a friend’s house, running errands, or helping around the house with tasks like doing laundry or cooking. “And it’s great for the parents, too,” Twenge added, “because then they don’t have to cook that night.”
Is it too late for the rules?
Ideally, stricter regulations would put more responsibility on companies that design apps that keep users engaged. In the absence of such barriers, much of the responsibility falls on parents.
“One of the biggest challenges of modern parenting is that you want to be loving but firm. [You get the best outcomes] when you can do both,” Twenge said, adding that parents can explain the reasoning behind their choices, although that won’t always stop kids from questioning the rules.
Many children already recognize when their or their friends’ relationships with technology are unhealthy. “Whether it’s individually or when I give talks at middle schools or high schools, that’s the general theme: They know this is a problem. They just don’t always know what to do about it, in part because they feel like all their friends are doing it,” Twenge said. Parents can help by giving children language they can use with their peers, such as “I can’t answer you right away because I’m having family dinner” or “I have to leave my phone outside my room when I go to sleep.”
For parents who introduced smartphones or apps before age 16, Twenge emphasizes that It’s not too late to make changes. “It’s a real myth that you can never go back. It’s absolutely possible,” he said. The approach depends on the age of the child. For an 11-year-old with an unrestricted smartphone, he recommends reversing access by replacing it with a flip phone, feature phone, or even no phone at all. For a 15-year-old, parents might allow him to keep the device but add new guardrails.
“Put parental controls on them so they can’t download apps on their own,” Twenge suggested. “Then you have to have a conversation about why they want a certain app.”
