While I was one of the lucky ones (I had several months of paid, protected leave), returning was still a struggle and a big adjustment.
So whether you’re about to return to work or have already returned, there are ways to set yourself up for success, Beacom says.
do work work better for you
Too often, returning parents assume their jobs and schedules are set in stone, so they don’t ask their managers for what they want, Beacom says.
But for the most part, companies “want you to be happy, engaged and supported,” he says, so you might be surprised at what they accept.
Beacom shares some ideas to make your re-entry easier.
- What does a good first day, week and month look like? If possible, make a plan and propose it to your manager before you leave, “so everyone is thinking about that reentry before you even leave,” Beacom says.
- Set a date for a brief consultation with your employer while you’re away, so both parties can feel more confident and prepared about what’s needed for your return, Beacom says.
- I plan to return mid-week. so you can give yourself time to calmly warm up, clear your inbox, and then return to full performance the following week.
- Negotiate your schedule. Maybe changing your workday by half an hour would make a big difference in your commute, or working on East Coast time would make daycare pick-ups and drop-offs much easier.
Your workplace will often be as flexible as you are ask so they are, says Beacom. So find out how work can work best for you.
Let “good” be “good enough”
Now that you’re back at work, you may notice something surprising: Your job may seem a little easier.
“Many parents report that having children, because it introduces all these new complexities, can make them more disciplined and better at doing things,” says one brain researcher. Darby Saxbeauthor of the next book dad brainabout the science of parenting.
That doesn’t mean your life as a working parent will be a walk in the park. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, see when you can let “good” be “good enough.”
“My best advice to parents is to lower your standards,” Saxbe says. “Don’t expect to be amazing at everything.” There are no raises for perfect baby food or trophies for fast overnight shipping.
If you absolutely must add more to your plate, be intentional, says Reshma Saujaniexecutive director of Moms First, an organization that advocates for affordable child care and paid leave. What is a necessity and what is simply a gold star on your record? How much pressure is self-imposed and how much is out of your control?
Finally, take a break. Parenting can change the brain and body to better meet the needs of caring for your little one, and research shows it can take from a few months to two years or more so that a new father can feel fully himself again.
“I respect that this is a moment of transformation,” Saxbe says. “Be patient with yourself and recognize that you may not be at 100% for a while.”
The digital story was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is CJ Riculan. We would love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823 or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.
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