Nothing disrupts your sense of self quite like dating someone new. Everything is suddenly thrown into question, from the way you dress, talk, eat, speak, think, and, you know, canoodle. You start overthinking things. Did I come across a little intense when I told that story? Was that joke actually a bit offensive? Should I have chosen a different restaurant? Did I wear too much mascara? And so on. All this is magnified when you really like the person you’re dating, which inevitably means one question looms larger than them all: do they like me back?
It’s a simple query that should have simple answers. And yet, in today’s convoluted dating landscape where nobody says what they mean and everyone relies on ambiguity to stop themselves getting hurt, it rarely does. Yes, you can read body language, overanalyse text messages, and interpret all the signs a person gives you. But then they might suddenly ghost you, vanishing without so much as a wave emoji – see the viral “dudes before they ghost you” video, in which actor Taylor Rosen plays the role of a man who talks about marriage, meeting his parents, and building a life together right before vanishing and never contacting you again. It garnered more than 700,000 likes and thousands of comments from people who related; modern love is nothing if not a sisyphean pursuit.
So, love-bombing and deluded fantasies of the future aside, how can you actually tell if someone you’re dating reciprocates your interest rather than simply keeping you as an option, or using you to boost their ego? There are a few obvious ways, like when they make plans for the future and show a genuine enthusiasm for the things you care and talk about. But then there are more subtle indicators – and they almost always include actions rather than words. “When someone genuinely likes you, they find ways to include you in their life, even if they’re busy,” says Alex Mellor-Brook, relationships coach and internationally certified matchmaker.
“It’s not about extravagant gestures but consistent actions, like sending a thoughtful message, planning dates, or simply being available when you need them. These efforts show they value your presence and want to nurture the connection.” In other words, you need to feel as if the other person is making you a priority and communicating in a thoughtful, considerate manner.
Rather than focusing solely on what someone says to you, try to observe how they say it. “Being consistent with communication is key,” says Stacy Thomson, founder of Reddi, a private, psychology-focused dating platform. “If someone likes you, they make an effort to text back regularly and keep the conversation flowing. It doesn’t have to be constant, but they’re engaged and taking time over their replies.”
