There are times in my life when imposter syndrome feels less like a passing thought and more like a personality trait. It doesn’t come in dramatic spirals. It lives in doubt, in over-preparation, and in the way I reread something I’ve written and think, This is good… but is it really good?
I sat in rooms I worked hard to be in and felt a strange disconnection, like I was watching someone else play the role. I received praise and immediately cataloged the reasons why it was circumstantial. Moment. Luck. A generous editor. A forgiving audience. Success never feels like a test, but rather something I need to defend.
What confuses me most is that it hasn’t faded with growth. If anything, it lights up when I’m expanding: when rooms get bigger, the stakes feel higher, visibility increases. Which makes me wonder: If achievements don’t silence imposter syndrome, what really does? And is the goal to make it disappear or understand why it appears in the first place?
Featured image from our interview with Babba Rivera by Belathée Photography.
Tips for Impostor Syndrome that Boost Self-Confidence
Impostor syndrome has been treated as a mindset problem: something that can be fixed with better thinking or greater self-confidence. But according to therapist and sexologist Dr. Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT, it’s not just cognitive.
“It often manifests as tightness in the chest, shallow breathing, or a clenched jaw,” he explains. “The body is prepared for exposure as if being ‘discovered’ were a threat to survival.”
before thought I don’t belong here fully formed, the body is already getting stronger. For many high-achieving women, visibility itself can pose a risk. The nervous system becomes alert, looking for errors. Not because you are fraudulent, but because your body is trying to protect you.
“You don’t think about how to get out of imposter syndrome,” says Dr. Joy. “You regulate your output.” That distinction matters. It means you are not broken. You are responding to expansion.
Dr. Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT
Dr. Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT is a marriage and family therapist and licensed sexologist based in South Florida and founder of Renew Yourself With Joy, her private therapy practice. She double specializes in marriage, family and couples therapy, as well as mental health counseling, and has additional training in coaching and positive psychology. Through her clinical work, she supports women navigating relationship dynamics, identity shifts, and self-confidence.
What Developing Self-Confidence Really Looks Like
If imposter syndrome is a response to stress, then confidence isn’t something you think about. It’s something you practice. “Developing self-confidence is a behavioral practice,” explains Dr. Joy. “It is not a motivational statement.”
Self-confidence is not repeated I deserve to be here until it feels believable. It’s gathering evidence and proving to yourself, through action, that you can handle what you’ve gotten yourself into.
According to Dr. Joy, this may seem surprisingly simple:
- Keep small promises, especially those that no one else sees.
- Stick to what you commit to, even when it would be easier to abandon it.
- Tell the truth in rooms where you used to perform.
- Letting your voice land without immediately softening it or explaining too much.
When you repeatedly act in alignment, your body begins to register that you can handle this. You begin to experience yourself as someone who complies, who can tolerate visibility, and who survives risk.
“Confidence is not the absence of doubt,” says Dr. Joy. “It is the accumulation of decisions that honor oneself.”
The goal is not to completely silence doubts. It is developing enough self-confidence so that doubt no longer dictates your behavior.
That happens in the emails you send without apologizing. In meetings where you speak once, instead of rehearsing internally for 10 minutes. In the moments you choose not to shrink.
The difference between self-reflection and self-criticism
There is a version of reflection that moves you forward. It is the child who asks, What could I refine? What would make this stronger next time? It is specific and offers direction.
And then there is the other voice. You’re not cut out for this. You shouldn’t be here. Everyone else is more capable.
According to Dr. Joy, the difference is not how intense the thought feels, but whether it offers direction or creates shame. Healthy reflection is feasible. It helps you adapt. Impostor-driven criticism is identity-based. It does not offer a next step. He asks you who you are.
“If the inner voice is specific and actionable, it is growth-oriented,” explains Dr. Joy. “If it’s global and embarrassing, it’s fear trying to protect you from risk.” When you learn to distinguish between the two, you will be able to choose which voice has authority.
Remember: the goal is not to eliminate your inner critic. It is strengthening the voice that can receive feedback without turning it into self-rejection. Over time, that practice turns into self-confidence.
Simple Practices to Help You Feel More Grounded
If imposter syndrome is a response to stress, grounding becomes part of the solution. The goal is to help your body feel safe enough to believe it.
Dr. Joy recommends small, repeatable rituals that interrupt the stress cycle and reinforce competence:
- Before a meeting or high-risk moment: Place both feet flat on the floor. Lengthen your spine. Take a slow exhale longer than the inhalation. Let one hand rest on your breastbone. This indicates confidence before speaking.
- After a victory: Pause long enough for your body to register. Many women mentally abandon success without integrating it. Stay with the sensation for a few breaths instead of immediately looking for what’s next.
- Keep a “test list”: At the end of the day, write down three specific actions that demonstrated skill and experience, not results, but effort. This could look like an email you sent, a boundary you had, or an idea you shared.
- Adjust your posture when doubts arise: Lengthen your spine. Widen your collarbones. Take up space. Your posture feeds back to how confident and capable you feel.
- Stop softening your voice unnecessarily: Notice when you explain too much or dilute your statements. Practice letting your words come.
You’ll notice that all of these practices are small by design. Self-confidence is built through repetition and does not disappear at a decisive moment. It grows through many small ones.
What to remember when impostor syndrome appears
Imposter syndrome doesn’t mean you’re unqualified. It doesn’t mean you entered a room you didn’t earn. And that doesn’t mean you’re about to be exposed. Often, it means you are expanding.
Growth can be destabilizing before it seems natural. Visibility can feel risky before it feels embodied. Success may overtake your internal sense of self for a time. But when a doubt arises, it is not necessary to make it disappear. You can notice it, regulate your body, gather evidence, and keep your promises. Let your nervous system adjust to the reality that you are capable of doing more than you were previously familiar with.
Confidence is not perfection. It is the willingness to stay with the discomfort while your body adjusts to who you are becoming. And over time, what once looked like exposure begins to look like alignment.
This post was last updated on February 25, 2026 to include new insights.
