Dear Harriette: My husband recently came home from a business trip, and while washing his clothes, I found a condom in his pants pocket.
I’m very, but I’m afraid to approach him about this.
My husband travels a lot for work. I never thought I could be having sex with something while on the way. Now it seems that it is a certainty.
What can I tell you about this? I know I can worry and complain, but in the end, he can do anything to do when I’m not close. I am so wounded.
– Broken votes
Dear broken votes: Be direct: tell her husband that she found the condom and ask who she is having sex.
Do not roof it in sugar. Tell him how injured you are and that you know that you cannot control your actions, but it saddens yourself to know that you would break your votes. Ask what you are doing and why. Probe to see if it is real in a relationship with others or participating in short -term adventures.
Your frankness can be so surprising that you will respond honestly.
In the end, you must decide what you can tolerate. If you are willing to accept your explanation and forgive it, so it is. If it is not and he is not willing to stop, he may have to separate.
You are not close to that place at this time, he thought. Now is the time to talk everything.
Dear Harriette: My mother is in Hospice, and my family and I are trying to make sure that the last days are as comfortable as possible.
The problem is that the hospice doctor and nurses are continuously pushing pain medications, even when he does not say he has pain.
We are frustrated because they act as if they knew it better, but they don’t know her. When they give the medications, she is totally out of that, only if whatever the bone was momentary.
How can we make these people treat my mother with more dignity? What they told us are going to do for it is very different from how they are being now.
– Pushing it
Dear pushing it: Ask for a meeting with the team that takes care of your mother and indicates your groups.
Let it clear that he understands that this is a tender time for her mother and that she only wants the best for her. Recognize that sometimes pain medications may be necessary, but request that there are more communication with the family before decisions are made than essentially the one that does not achieve in a way.
Remain vigilant and educated, since you want your mother to be very careful, even if necessary to adjust it. Stay firm when you think they are being too aggressive.
As in other phases of his medical care trip, he continually be a fierce defender of it, even if they go back.
You may want to read the book “The Good Death: a guide to support his loved one until the end of life” by Suzanne B. O’Brien.
Harriette Cole is one of life and founder of Dreamlepers, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harrietcole.com oc/or Andrews McMeel Syndionction, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
